the confession

im at my end of a very long weekend at home..lucky i know..

i am deeply hurt...hence the rancour..has been trying to push it away..yet to claim victory as still am not feeling ok and wake up with a big shrug instead of a smile each morning..

i am tired of jealousy..eventhough i still couldnt see clearly why anybody should feel that way towards me..as though not a so good person i am..i am not someone who brags..im so stingy to share my happiness..i never intend to make a soul jealous of me..yet jealousy is killing me..used to be softly..now agressively,wide and open

i would blame this shit feeling to non other than myself..this is my life..not living it is not in the given choice..i have to change..i have to forgive..and forget..and be positive..and live life happily..as i owe it to myself

i forgot the Almighty after being so blessed..i complained after being so loved..i failed to see the good in this dreadful time..i am but a weak sinner..who has to change..for the better..
i have yet to seek His forgiveness..for forgetting to fear Him..for being so arrogant in not asking more of His help every second that i breath..forgetting in the fact that my fingers can slide on the keyboard is because of Him

I failed to understand that i am His Abd..i am but a slave...