Braveheart

I forgot what it felt like when i watched the movie years ago..but it was and still is one of my all time favourites.last nite it all came back to me..William Wallace was the portrayal of many warriors before and after his time..a once living proof of courage,determination,strong will,morale,dignity,power..he touched his fellow Scotmen's hearts..his name pounded in their very veins..he made them believed in themselves,he opened their eyes to fight for their right..right for freedom,and the prosperity that will come with it.Wallace's pursuit of this true sense of wealth was a picture of nobility any man should follow.

And he loved oh he loved.He looked almost barbaric in the whole movie..yet his eyes spilled all the love he had for his wife.A lucky girl she was to have this great man's love. She died a tragic death but he kept her close every second that passed..she was there in every battle,she was there in his sleep..and she was there as he exhaled his last breath.

Yin and yang was not created for no reason.There's a dark side of the movie that if studied can be implied to perfection in one's life.It portrays how unnoble the Nobles are.in those era,the acquisition of power,lands and gold was their purpose of life..and it was easiest to acquire by using the lowest method..BETRAYAL.and people worshipped this so called noblemen and aristocrats..fanning their ***,sucking up to them..why?for the same reason,for an easy money,influence,status..Still happen now in the 21st century..where this fiasco is upgraded to another level..wrap in more sophistication and elegance.Its all about who you know and how big your network is to get through anything..from getting a place in a respectable school,a big tender offered by the government,a backstage entry of a rockstar concert etc etc

While watching the movie i thought about a lot of things..irrelevant they may be..but these are the things that made me..

hehe before that,i also thot about saying which is cooler..ass or arse?pardon me..it just flashed at the back of my head.The Brits sound cool saying the four lettered one..and the American's arent uncool either..why am i discussing this??*slap across cheek*

Well Im in angst after the movie..i reflect on how far i've come..on how i grew up all this years..was i in the yin or yang side..how i relate with people,with the situation around me.

I treat people the way i perceive they treat me.Nothing more,nothing less.and no bad intention was ever involved if any of u think i suck and act like a jerk towards u.its because u do the same thing to me.i think its just natural to even out the score.Now that i mature a bit, id forgive more and give people more chances before i actually even the score out.i think to work hard to please everybody is impossible and too tiring,so does having hate and rancour in my heart..it takes a lot of energy.so i'll go all out to care for those who shower me with their love and wont even attempt to be polite to those who are rude to me.that way..no energy is wasted,and im a happy girl.

for the same reason, i really salute those who dont mind only giving in a relationship..to have such tremendous amount of energy is remarkable.

and i also salute those who only receive,for having the power and intelligence to manipulate others to give without asking anything back.

I learnt to fend for myself and stood the world alone when i entered TKC at the tender age of 12.Around those time i was faced with greatest vulnerability,i had the greatest need to feel belong in the great college..yet i was an outcast.But i struggled hard and i succeeded to find my comfort,my place without having anyone to watch over my back,to soothe my tears or to listen to my hurt.And when i finally can stand on my own two feet..friendship pours and i had a great time.But i dont lose the lesson..though i was not an alien anymore whereever i go after those first few years,,deep down im always prepared if there will be time when im left all alone.

I dont think obligating friends to take care of me is a right thing..its a courtesy, yes on their part..but not an obligation.Its hard enough for them to take care of themselves..so i dont have the heart to demand more than what they've already given.To me the only people in this world who hold the responsibility to care for one and will do so without grudge but joy are one's parents.So i cried and whine and made them worry coz i know they'll never get tired of it.thats the beauty in this sacred relationship that Allah created.of course i tried my very best to be a good daughter..and so far i think im doing a good job.

read an entry: emergence of a new trend in hani's blog.well i admit sometimes i feel the same way and it is wrong if u dont want to have family the natural way.i know it'll be very lonely and definitely difficult to raise a child without a father..and its unfair for the child.but i understand why these great women made such a bold statement and want to commit to such a big decision.i bet my finger that most of them are not andalusia (anak dara lanjut usia) by choice..who wants to miss out on the blissful experience of marriage?? but they may feel that they have come to the time where the possibilities of this sacred union have denied them..they can find a solution not to be denied the experience of being a mother.poligamy is the obvious solution my XY counterpart might say..ironically for many it causes more problems than solve them.Bitter isnt it? I think im one of them subconsciously...we crave the love of a man,but if its not there,its not the end of the world.We will still be out there doing great stuff.

Now that im a grown up..i wish i didnt grow up so fast.sigh..